If Only Apartments Like This Actually Existed

$700 - Looking for drunken, jobless hipster types
(18-23) to take over room

Please take over my sublease here. The room is tiny,
the closet space is hidden behind other stuff, there's
a bitchy obnoxious cat with some sort of permanant eye
infection that loves to sit in the kitchen and drag
its infected ass all over everything.

Ideal candidate would have parents capable of paying
$700/month for rent, as well as $700 deposit. Parents
should also be able to swing $5/mo for utilities. You
should ideally not have a job; at worst "freelance
producer" or "thinking about writing" or something
like that is acceptable. You should be willing to
bitch about being broke, but always have money for
weed and electronics. Smoker preferred, ability to
drink other people's liquor and never buy your own a
definite plus. Prospect Heights