The Case For...

Janet Jackson.

In which I break out my black Am Ex, a hundred dollar bill and Babyshambles debut Cd and attempt to sort my way through someone I feel is lacking propers. Props, the blacks like to call them.

And in this round, we have the princess of pop, Ms. Jackson, if you're nasty. And I totally am. Now, I might be a bit prejudiced as I grew up ENAMORED with Janet because bitch was killing it when this fag was coming of age, circa 1993. The choreography for "If" still leaves me a little wet. Okay, a lot.

But over the years, Janet has gone through some rather tough times. There's the secret divorce, the secret child, the Super Bowl nip-slip and most recently, her brother's continuing descent into what-the-hell-is-that-ville and this unbecoming growth. She's been taking it on the chin for a while and to her detractors, I say, can't a bitch just get fat in peace?

Some say that Janet's been riding her brother's coat-tails for a while. Well, if that was ever true, she was smart enough to hop off those tails when M. Jax started chilling with Macauly Caulkin. And as for talent, sure she can't sing, but a hoe can dance. I bet even with the whale blubber, Damita Jo can still serve Usher and Ciara. Furthermore, she's been making music since before I wsa born. And is still hanging in there while other lesser pop divas have gone with the wind. Where's Paula Abdul? High off pain medication and slumming it on Fox. Jodi Watley, hell some people don't even know who she is. Fuck the Taylor Danes, Vanessa Williamses and all others who have offered pale imitations of La Jackson. The only other bitch who's managed to fight criticisms of her life, career and fashion choices has been Madonna. And since the two really aren't competing for airplay or album sales, I think it's time they get together and give the gasy something to celebrate. Two over-the-hill divas, plummeting into irrelevance performing together at 2006's VMA's. And if their past history has anything to offer, they'll be titty-fucking right before a queer orgy breaks out on stage. Fuck a lezzy kiss or a little areola, these queens of the 80s and early 90s are ready to go all the way. Mmm, diva sandwich. I say they throw in Missy as the meat. Holla at that!