The Case For...

Paris Hilton.

In which I attempt to drunkenly ramble my way through justifying someone I feel to be underappreciated/underrated.

This time around, Paris Hilton. And why not? She's as good as anyone else. Or maybe, better.

I, for one, am not a fan. She's talentless, odd-looking, and her wealth is dubious at best.

But look at her now!

If anything, Paris gets my respect. And I know how much she's been clamoring for it, so hopefully she can get off my junk and let a bitch just be.

I mean, think about it. Everyone is quick to condemn her for being a media whore, and rightfully so, yet consider this: How much time and energy does it take to whore one's self out 365 days a year? Even in the face of universal disdain and mockery, still she perseveres.

If an embarrassing sex tape starring you were revealed, would you be able to not only rebound from it, but become even MORE famous for it?

If you were dressed like a retarded chimpanzee every time you were photographed outside of your house, wouldn't you at least try to get a better stylist? Maybe you would, but not Paris. Because beneath that lazy eye, throbs a brain. A brain that can't tell the difference between publicity and public shame, yet a brain that knows that a Marc Jacobs bikini/camisole is proper clothing to wear to a formal dinner. That crazy brain knows that people are expecting to see you in your Hangover's Best and to disappoint them, would be career suicide.

Every aspect of her life is lived in front of the cameras, from her sham engagement to a Greek billionaire to her sham rebound relationship with another Greek billionaire. And she gets paid to live. Paid by magazines, televison shows, whatever have you. The paparazzi buzz around her every minute and why? Because someone out there can't get enough of her. The question remains, who?

Who is actually a fan of Paris Hilton? Does such an animal exist? What self-respecting person is out there supporting her in her career. The answer is simple. Mosty likely, those who would dare call themselves a devotee of La Paris actually HAVE no self-respect. She represents America and its values at this time and place, and this America is a dirty slut who doesn't wear panties.

Then, there are those who enjoy her for the sake of schadenfreude. After all, what's more pleasurable to a sadist than seeing someone with absolutely no merits of their own attempt to prove that they have said merits?

Say what you will about Paris Hilton, but think to yourself the next time you double-click that illegally downloaded copy of "One Night in Paris": Could I take that dick and still look that apathetic? That's talent, people!

Furthermore, she is a person. Despite allegations to the contrary, and no one deserves to be ridiculed 24/7. At least take a break to take a bong rip and masturbate like I do.