I summon the stubborn tears

I summon the stubborn tears
To relieve the pain in my chest
The intense pain of loneliness
That makes me cry out at night
The intense pain of loneliness,
By which I fear the return…of yet another day.

I summon these tears
For salvation from the crushing,
Bruising, destructive will of life
That disappoints and deprives
You promised me greatness!
I wanted fulfillment…of my youthful desire

I summon these stubborn tears
To indeed, know that I am alive
To know I can feel something real
That, in myself, grows by leaps
As time ticks and flickers away
This thrilling, terrifying sense…of what could be

I want to love and cry out for joy!
To be loved…what does it mean?
I want to have tears outside of mourning
For my own failings and shortcomings
I summon these, my stubborn tears
Yet my eyes only burn for their own impotence