In relapse, in repose
Ups and downs, yet that’s how it goes
Freedom don’t come cheap
To enjoy the awards you reap
One must take pause
Though thoughts force cause
Origin and destination
So we run on sans hesitation
How long can you keep runnin’
When you ain’t runnin’ for nothin’?
Sacrifices must be made
For the soul’s longevity
And the price must be paid
What counts most at the finale?
Sacrifices must be made
For the soul’s longevity
And the price must be paid
What counts most at the finale?
Through a window darkly
I am at peace hardly
With my life all humpty dumpty
Fallen apart in front of me
And I can’t seem to put it together again
Fractured, many pictures in one frame
Portraits different, even conflicting
My identity loosely forming
This is life in the making, makin’ a real mess
How or if it’ll fix up is anyone’s guess
Sacrifices must be made
For the soul’s longevity
And the price must be paid
What counts most at the finale?
Sacrifices must be made
For the soul’s longevity
And the price must be paid
What counts most at the finale?
Give up, get out, turn it loose
Before you wreck yourself and blow a fuse
My mind’s tellin’ me no
But my heart wants me to go
So I gotta gotta give it up
My knees are shakin’
But my feet are achin’
To walk, so I gotta gotta get out
My body wants to stay
But my spirit’s flown away
So I gotta gotta turn it loose
And for what troubles may come
I know I did what had to be done
Sacrifices must be made
For the soul’s longevity
And the price must be paid
What counts most at the finale?
Sacrifices must be made
For the soul’s longevity
And the price must be paid
What counts most at the finale?
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Rush
Suddenly, I am submerged
As a rush of cold water runs over my head
Water fills my lungs
In a matter of minutes, no seconds, I’ll be dead
Suddenly, I am submerged
In this ocean of my youth
No land in sight
I am happy to see it fade, in truth
I am drowning
And no one can save me
I am drowning
And no one can save me
I am drowning
And no one can save me
Suddenly, moments I had forgotten
They flash before my very eyes
All of my life, all it is worth
A few seconds, a mere drop in the well of time
Suddenly, these pains grow sharper
And each passing year I dread
As age come surging
Like a rush of cold water over my head
I am drowning
And no one can save me
I am drowning
And no one can save me
I am drowning
And no one can save me
Suddenly, I walk into the depth
Weighed down by heavy rocks
Like that dark priestess a century before
Who could no longer bear the weight of her own thoughts
Suddenly, I am submerged
As a rush of cold water runs over my head
Water fills my lungs
In a matter of minutes, no seconds, I shall be dead
I am drowning
And no one can save me
I am drowning
And no one can save me
I am drowning
And no one can save me
As a rush of cold water runs over my head
Water fills my lungs
In a matter of minutes, no seconds, I’ll be dead
Suddenly, I am submerged
In this ocean of my youth
No land in sight
I am happy to see it fade, in truth
I am drowning
And no one can save me
I am drowning
And no one can save me
I am drowning
And no one can save me
Suddenly, moments I had forgotten
They flash before my very eyes
All of my life, all it is worth
A few seconds, a mere drop in the well of time
Suddenly, these pains grow sharper
And each passing year I dread
As age come surging
Like a rush of cold water over my head
I am drowning
And no one can save me
I am drowning
And no one can save me
I am drowning
And no one can save me
Suddenly, I walk into the depth
Weighed down by heavy rocks
Like that dark priestess a century before
Who could no longer bear the weight of her own thoughts
Suddenly, I am submerged
As a rush of cold water runs over my head
Water fills my lungs
In a matter of minutes, no seconds, I shall be dead
I am drowning
And no one can save me
I am drowning
And no one can save me
I am drowning
And no one can save me
Friday, July 06, 2007
I Wish I Could, But I Know I Can’t
To whom it may concern
I can only hope you understand
Though I did indeed yearn
I could not go through with it as planned
My mind did backflips and turns
But I found the thought I could not stand
It’s just getting too much fpr me to bear
Though in the morning, I will still be here
Deep sigh, I am not relieved
I’m tired of toughing it out
Just not tired enough to concede
This world can crush you like an ant
Oh, I wish I could, but I know I can’t
Laying here
It’s too painful to contemplate
All alone with my despair
It is the end I dream of and anticipate
Though it must wait, I can’t explain why
It’s some stubborn part of me
That refuses to die
Before finding harmony
So to hold on I must try
It’s just getting too much for me to bear
Though in the morning I will still be here
Deep sigh, I am not relieved
I’m tired of toughing it out
Just not tired enough to concede
This world can crush you like an ant
Oh, I wish I could, but I know I can’t
I can only hope you understand
Though I did indeed yearn
I could not go through with it as planned
My mind did backflips and turns
But I found the thought I could not stand
It’s just getting too much fpr me to bear
Though in the morning, I will still be here
Deep sigh, I am not relieved
I’m tired of toughing it out
Just not tired enough to concede
This world can crush you like an ant
Oh, I wish I could, but I know I can’t
Laying here
It’s too painful to contemplate
All alone with my despair
It is the end I dream of and anticipate
Though it must wait, I can’t explain why
It’s some stubborn part of me
That refuses to die
Before finding harmony
So to hold on I must try
It’s just getting too much for me to bear
Though in the morning I will still be here
Deep sigh, I am not relieved
I’m tired of toughing it out
Just not tired enough to concede
This world can crush you like an ant
Oh, I wish I could, but I know I can’t
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Just for Me
I don’t know what I want, I just know this ain’t it
I’ve never been able to be complacent
Only lonely, confused and bewildered
Perpetually in search and need of a spirit kindered
When my world seems to reject me
Cuz friends can’t love me like I need be
I want to lay my head down deadly
Now, it’s not all just self-pity
Only half, the other’s an attempt to be witty
To hide all the pain I feel
I try to numb it anyway that ain’t real
To deny my own inability to try
It’s better to be fucked up and high
Cuz I’m sugar free, oh so lonely
If no one wants me, I’d rather be alone
So I tell myself--and I disconnect the phone
But I ain’t foolin' nobody, and nobody even cares
We’re all alone in the end, with our hopes and fears
Hoping for love, afraid it’s useless
My age is apparent, I’m utterly clueless
I want something and someone just for me
I’ve never been able to be complacent
Only lonely, confused and bewildered
Perpetually in search and need of a spirit kindered
When my world seems to reject me
Cuz friends can’t love me like I need be
I want to lay my head down deadly
Now, it’s not all just self-pity
Only half, the other’s an attempt to be witty
To hide all the pain I feel
I try to numb it anyway that ain’t real
To deny my own inability to try
It’s better to be fucked up and high
Cuz I’m sugar free, oh so lonely
If no one wants me, I’d rather be alone
So I tell myself--and I disconnect the phone
But I ain’t foolin' nobody, and nobody even cares
We’re all alone in the end, with our hopes and fears
Hoping for love, afraid it’s useless
My age is apparent, I’m utterly clueless
I want something and someone just for me
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Perry Donovan Does "Rehab"
INT. - NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT
An empty stage with nothing but a stool, microphone and a spotlight.
PERRY DONOVAN, late 40s, in an ill-fitting tuxedo, clearly drunk, stumbles onto the stage to faint applause.
PERRY DONOVAN
Hey, hey, hi, hey, hi, sup. How are you? How are things? Great to be here...wherever here is.
(aside)
Maury where are we?
(agitated)
God, again? You’re fired as my manager.
(beat)
Yes, you can still be my lawyer but I’m going to need to see some sort of degree in the near future. (beat)
Yeah, the University of Phoenix Online is fine.
HECKLER (O.S.)
BOO!!
PERRY DONOVAN
Fuck off! I mean...uh, see what you did, you big booer. You threw me off.
HECKLER (O.S.)
I wish they’d throw you off the stage, lush!
PERRY DONOVAN
There’s one every show. Why don’t you just get up here and try to do your little schtick for us, huh?
(beat)
Sit down! Security!
(aside)
What do you mean there’s no sec--I’m a damn star! I have an Emmy!
(beat)
No, daytime. And local.
(to AUDIENCE)
THIS song is by a fantastic new singer about a subject that’s very, very dear and close to me. Tony!
Poorly played piano opening.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(SINGS, loungey)
They try to make me go to REHAB (thank you)
I said NO, NO, NO.
Yes I been black but when I come back, NO, NO, NO.
I ain’t got the time
and if my daddy think I’m fine. Just try to make me go to REHAB--
Piano STOPS.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(to AUDIENCE)
And I’ll rip ya balls right off, sailor! Ha! Funny story. Back in 1978, during my third but certainly not last stint at the sanitarium, who was my roommate but the inimitable Ms. Liza Mins. That’s Minnelli, if you don’t know. Multi-talent, multi-habit. Multi-chins. Tony!
Rimshot.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
Love you, Mins. So we were both there at the BEHEST of our quote-unquote loved ones. Betrayal is a second cousin to love, always remember that. Anyhoo, we decided to make the best of the situation by putting on a show, like those faggy let’s save the farm with a good ole barn dance movies her mom used to shit out in the 40s.
Piano begins again.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(SINGS)
I’d rather be at home with Ray.
I’s ain’t got seventeen years. Cause there ain’t NUTTIN, at all you can teach me
that I can’t learn from Sr. Hathway!
Didn’t get a lot in class,
but I know it don’t come in a SHOT GLASS!
BOURBON!
REHAB!
Ain’t goin’!
Piano STOPS.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
At this point we had a pretty evolved system of friends, colleagues and fags, I mean fans, who would sneak us in bottles of pre-mixed martinis in shampoo bottles. Liza and I.
(phlegmy chuckle)
I tell ya, I don’t know how many times I ended up with a head full of olives and a mouth full of lather. And Maury you keep your fat mouth shut. So we recruited our mini army to acquire costumes and scenery--I’m tellin’ ya, we’re professionals til the bitter, drug-induced end. And we secretly auditioned the other patients, mostly former TV stars who didn’t have anything to do but the occasional “Love Boat” or miniseries. God, Zsa Zsa was PISSED she didn’t make the final cut. I still have a four karat wound from where she sucker punched me. I’d show you, but I don’t want to get arrested. Again.
Piano begins again.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(SINGS)
The man said why you think you here?
I said, I have no idea. (I rarely do.)
I’m gonna, gonna lose ma baby,
so I always keep a bottle handy. (Here it is.)
He said I just think you’re depressed.
Kiss me, yeah, baby
and go rest.
REHAB!
Fuck it!
Piano STOPS.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
So there we were, in the middle of the set. Liza and I were to duet on a particularly poignant rendition of MISS OTIS REGRETS. I was belting, she was belting, I belted louder, she belted louder, I belted louder still and she belted me right in the money-maker. Damn near scratched my jugular out. Well, woman or not, I socked that pixie-haired trollop right in the kisser. No one - except pimps and Jews - slap Perry Donovan.
Piano begins again.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(SINGS)
I don’t ever wanna drink again.
Takes a swig out of a bottle.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(SINGS)
I just, I just need a FRIEND.
I ain’t gon’ spend no damn 10 weeks,
have everyone think I’m in depends.
Piano STOPS.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
Needless to say, Li Li and I had to be separated, sedated and placed in solitary confinement after a minor riot - cum fire - started. But after all these years, we’re still the closest of friends. Just don’t turn your back on her...or let her borrow money. You’ll never see it or her again.
Piano begins again.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(SINGS)
It’s not just ma pride!
Just til these damn teas have dried.
They try to make me go to REHAB,
I said NO, NO, NO.
Yes I been black but when I come back, NO, NO, NO.
I ain’t got the time
and if my daddy think I’m fine. Just try to make me go to REHAB--
Piano STOPS.
HECKLER (O.S.)
This show sucks!
PERRY DONOVAN
And so does our mother! Yeah, that’s right. I am so tired of your ingratitude. Here I am, pouring my heart out on this stage, and you pimply sons of Adam can’t throw some damn applause my way. I have a goddamn Emmy!
A large, burly man begins to DRAG him off the stage.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
Get your hands off me! I haven’t been manhandled so roughly since the “We Are the World” studio sessions. Diana Ross is a man! Diana Ross is a man!
FADE TO BLACK.
An empty stage with nothing but a stool, microphone and a spotlight.
PERRY DONOVAN, late 40s, in an ill-fitting tuxedo, clearly drunk, stumbles onto the stage to faint applause.
PERRY DONOVAN
Hey, hey, hi, hey, hi, sup. How are you? How are things? Great to be here...wherever here is.
(aside)
Maury where are we?
(agitated)
God, again? You’re fired as my manager.
(beat)
Yes, you can still be my lawyer but I’m going to need to see some sort of degree in the near future. (beat)
Yeah, the University of Phoenix Online is fine.
HECKLER (O.S.)
BOO!!
PERRY DONOVAN
Fuck off! I mean...uh, see what you did, you big booer. You threw me off.
HECKLER (O.S.)
I wish they’d throw you off the stage, lush!
PERRY DONOVAN
There’s one every show. Why don’t you just get up here and try to do your little schtick for us, huh?
(beat)
Sit down! Security!
(aside)
What do you mean there’s no sec--I’m a damn star! I have an Emmy!
(beat)
No, daytime. And local.
(to AUDIENCE)
THIS song is by a fantastic new singer about a subject that’s very, very dear and close to me. Tony!
Poorly played piano opening.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(SINGS, loungey)
They try to make me go to REHAB (thank you)
I said NO, NO, NO.
Yes I been black but when I come back, NO, NO, NO.
I ain’t got the time
and if my daddy think I’m fine. Just try to make me go to REHAB--
Piano STOPS.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(to AUDIENCE)
And I’ll rip ya balls right off, sailor! Ha! Funny story. Back in 1978, during my third but certainly not last stint at the sanitarium, who was my roommate but the inimitable Ms. Liza Mins. That’s Minnelli, if you don’t know. Multi-talent, multi-habit. Multi-chins. Tony!
Rimshot.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
Love you, Mins. So we were both there at the BEHEST of our quote-unquote loved ones. Betrayal is a second cousin to love, always remember that. Anyhoo, we decided to make the best of the situation by putting on a show, like those faggy let’s save the farm with a good ole barn dance movies her mom used to shit out in the 40s.
Piano begins again.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(SINGS)
I’d rather be at home with Ray.
I’s ain’t got seventeen years. Cause there ain’t NUTTIN, at all you can teach me
that I can’t learn from Sr. Hathway!
Didn’t get a lot in class,
but I know it don’t come in a SHOT GLASS!
BOURBON!
REHAB!
Ain’t goin’!
Piano STOPS.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
At this point we had a pretty evolved system of friends, colleagues and fags, I mean fans, who would sneak us in bottles of pre-mixed martinis in shampoo bottles. Liza and I.
(phlegmy chuckle)
I tell ya, I don’t know how many times I ended up with a head full of olives and a mouth full of lather. And Maury you keep your fat mouth shut. So we recruited our mini army to acquire costumes and scenery--I’m tellin’ ya, we’re professionals til the bitter, drug-induced end. And we secretly auditioned the other patients, mostly former TV stars who didn’t have anything to do but the occasional “Love Boat” or miniseries. God, Zsa Zsa was PISSED she didn’t make the final cut. I still have a four karat wound from where she sucker punched me. I’d show you, but I don’t want to get arrested. Again.
Piano begins again.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(SINGS)
The man said why you think you here?
I said, I have no idea. (I rarely do.)
I’m gonna, gonna lose ma baby,
so I always keep a bottle handy. (Here it is.)
He said I just think you’re depressed.
Kiss me, yeah, baby
and go rest.
REHAB!
Fuck it!
Piano STOPS.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
So there we were, in the middle of the set. Liza and I were to duet on a particularly poignant rendition of MISS OTIS REGRETS. I was belting, she was belting, I belted louder, she belted louder, I belted louder still and she belted me right in the money-maker. Damn near scratched my jugular out. Well, woman or not, I socked that pixie-haired trollop right in the kisser. No one - except pimps and Jews - slap Perry Donovan.
Piano begins again.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(SINGS)
I don’t ever wanna drink again.
Takes a swig out of a bottle.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(SINGS)
I just, I just need a FRIEND.
I ain’t gon’ spend no damn 10 weeks,
have everyone think I’m in depends.
Piano STOPS.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
Needless to say, Li Li and I had to be separated, sedated and placed in solitary confinement after a minor riot - cum fire - started. But after all these years, we’re still the closest of friends. Just don’t turn your back on her...or let her borrow money. You’ll never see it or her again.
Piano begins again.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(SINGS)
It’s not just ma pride!
Just til these damn teas have dried.
They try to make me go to REHAB,
I said NO, NO, NO.
Yes I been black but when I come back, NO, NO, NO.
I ain’t got the time
and if my daddy think I’m fine. Just try to make me go to REHAB--
Piano STOPS.
HECKLER (O.S.)
This show sucks!
PERRY DONOVAN
And so does our mother! Yeah, that’s right. I am so tired of your ingratitude. Here I am, pouring my heart out on this stage, and you pimply sons of Adam can’t throw some damn applause my way. I have a goddamn Emmy!
A large, burly man begins to DRAG him off the stage.
PERRY DONOVAN (CONT'D)
Get your hands off me! I haven’t been manhandled so roughly since the “We Are the World” studio sessions. Diana Ross is a man! Diana Ross is a man!
FADE TO BLACK.
Something's Gotta Happen
I see you tho I don’t know your face
I’ve waited for you, in some other time and space
We were together and happy I know
Now I must find you, before I can let you go
Something’s gotta happen
Someone’s bound to come along
To rescue me from this prison
Can you feel the words of my song?
The thought of you fills the vacuum of my heart
If we were together, I’d never want us to be apart
But I don’t know where you are or even who
I just know someone’s gotta love me, someone is you
Something’s gotta happen
Someone’s bound to come along
To rescue me from this prison
Can you hear the words of my song?
Life’s not meant to be spent alone
Everyone deserves to love someone
And to be loved in return
Love is the lesson I need to learn
Something’s gotta happen
Someone’s bound to come along
To rescue me from this prison
Don’t let me keep singing this song
I’m waiting for you
I’ve waited for you, in some other time and space
We were together and happy I know
Now I must find you, before I can let you go
Something’s gotta happen
Someone’s bound to come along
To rescue me from this prison
Can you feel the words of my song?
The thought of you fills the vacuum of my heart
If we were together, I’d never want us to be apart
But I don’t know where you are or even who
I just know someone’s gotta love me, someone is you
Something’s gotta happen
Someone’s bound to come along
To rescue me from this prison
Can you hear the words of my song?
Life’s not meant to be spent alone
Everyone deserves to love someone
And to be loved in return
Love is the lesson I need to learn
Something’s gotta happen
Someone’s bound to come along
To rescue me from this prison
Don’t let me keep singing this song
I’m waiting for you
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
The Blues Got Me Down
I’m broke in an unforgiving town
Got no hope for the future
Don’t you know the blues has got me down?
I’m drowning and I need savin’
The sky is falling
And I ain’t got no haven
I’m walkin’ ‘round with a perpetual frown
My bright days are end
Don’t you know the blues has got me down?
Hey, what can I do?
I‘m crawlin’ in my own skin
I want to be happy, to be alive!
But reality keeps sinkin’ in
I’m so lonely, the night’s all I found
Dark and cold, it remains
Don’t you know the blues has got me down?
I could starve from affection
Or lack thereof
All I want is a little affection
(Is that so much to ask?)
So I sit here waiting for the wheel to come ‘round
Life being a cipher
Don’t you know the blues has got me down?
Hey, what can I do?
I’m crawling in my own skin
I need to be happy, to feel alive!
But reality keeps sinkin’ in
I can only tell myself things could be worse
They can always be
And pray to stave off another curse
As I strain to keep my head high
My neck is breakin’
But I’ve got to maintain, lest I die
No point in dragging myself on the ground
No matter how tired
Lord knows the blues, though, yes they’ve got me down!
Got no hope for the future
Don’t you know the blues has got me down?
I’m drowning and I need savin’
The sky is falling
And I ain’t got no haven
I’m walkin’ ‘round with a perpetual frown
My bright days are end
Don’t you know the blues has got me down?
Hey, what can I do?
I‘m crawlin’ in my own skin
I want to be happy, to be alive!
But reality keeps sinkin’ in
I’m so lonely, the night’s all I found
Dark and cold, it remains
Don’t you know the blues has got me down?
I could starve from affection
Or lack thereof
All I want is a little affection
(Is that so much to ask?)
So I sit here waiting for the wheel to come ‘round
Life being a cipher
Don’t you know the blues has got me down?
Hey, what can I do?
I’m crawling in my own skin
I need to be happy, to feel alive!
But reality keeps sinkin’ in
I can only tell myself things could be worse
They can always be
And pray to stave off another curse
As I strain to keep my head high
My neck is breakin’
But I’ve got to maintain, lest I die
No point in dragging myself on the ground
No matter how tired
Lord knows the blues, though, yes they’ve got me down!
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