My Thighs Are Chaffing Like 2 Sailors After Fleet Week

Newsflash to New York: it's a might bit warm out. You may have missed this little detail as your brains have been fried by the 100 degree heat. But I'm just here to let you know that it's a little unpleasant outside. I hope you have some A/C in your homes because I know I sure don't. I stopped being alive about two days ago as a result but my body's so accustomed to the everyday grind that I'm still going about my daily tasks, ie commuting to work, smoking pot and writing the occasional sassy post on my blog. I guess none of those tasks requires any sort of mental thought--who knew? Unfortunately, all this activity has caused my thighs irreparable damage and I fear should they rub together anymore vigorously my pants will catch afire. I'm going to dig myself an underground lair and wait til fall--or til I finally collapse and die. Whichever comes first.