Strangers on a Train

I find myself falling in love with more and more guys daily.
It's spring, I already know that. The sudden emergence of sunshine, warm weather and pretty, smelly flowers signal every species in this vast metropolitan animal kingdom to copulate til their copulates fall right off. Come May, I'll be humping every muscular calf to pass in my line of vision. The 'why' doesn't concern me. It's the "what the hell can I do about it" that's really the rub.

Like 30 billion other people, I ride the subway every morning to work. And every day I am bombarded by a cavalcade of attractive men, with whom I'm trapped for minutes at a time, undergound, with limited oxygen and space. Often, we're pressed together like two horny, desperate sardines in one large, rectangular can. Wow, I didn't know fish could be such a turn on...

Now that I've jacked off, I'm reminded of the point I was trying to come to a few sentences ago. With so much fesh man meat dangling before my mouth on a maddeningly constant basis, is it appropriate to take the bait?

OMG, how Carrie Bradshaw do I feel right now?

A friend and I were discussing this particular issue over sangrias and tears last night. He told me that he feels the same way, what with us both being frustrated, self-loathing gays and all. Apparently, a relatively attractive guy came up to him on the subway. Now mind you, this is New York, so his subsequent reaction is rather logical. If a strange man came up to you on the subway, making a face I'm sure he though was sexy, but most likely was just plain creepy, you'd get off 3 stops early and walk to your destination in the middle of January too.

And that's what I fear. If I were to ever bite the mullet and sashay over to a stud/hunk/hot nerd on the 6, would my advances be rebuffed in a similar fashion? I guess the only way would be to try. Here is where a better writer, or at least a writer more bold than I, would make a grand declaration to find this out. Perhaps, dressing up like a fat woman and then conducting my "social experiment" on unsuspecting, hidden-camera'd individuals. Thus, I'd be able to test society's views of subway come-ons and make fun of the morbidly obese. Just like Tyra.

But I'm just not that bitch. If I were, though, I'd wear bangs more often because that forehead is getting out of control.