Liberation

I handed in my resignation last night before I left. I expected a wave of dissatisfaction, perhaps anger, definitely disappointment from those who I felt I was abandoning: the group of people I had grown to see as a family. They took me in my time of need and saw me through the hardest period of my life and here I was essentially turning my back on them. I expected a backlash. However, what I received was warmth and understanding. Instead of wondering what would come of the projects I was handling, what would happen to their work, what would happen with them, they worried about what would happen to me. How beautiful it is to come to the realization that people are human after all, not simply workers in an office, but human beings who can empathize and who can love. How beautiful it is to feel loved.

I handed in my resignation last night before I left because I had no other choice. Yes I would be giving up stability but stability isn’t happiness. One must make a decision how they will live their life. Can the pursuit and accumulation of money be the sole purpose of one’s existence? Is that what living is, going into a job you hate because you have bills, obligations, material things in need of upkeep? It’s a trap. It’s a lie. So I decided that I’d rather die physically than spiritually. I’d rather be broke and homeless if I can at least feel fulfilled. I don’t know what I’m living for, but I want to live for something. To hell with stability. To hell with the daily grind. I want to live romantically; to be in love with the life I lead, rather than dreading it. It sounds crazy, perhaps, but who am I or you or anyone to say what crazy is. There’s so much to see and feel and learn but will never know. What is crazy but an abstract idea of what normal people aren’t? I had no choice, you see. It was a matter of life and death.

I handed in my resignation last night before I left and it was the best decision I’ve made in a very long time. Things won’t improve immediately. If anything, they’ll probably get worse. But it’ll be my own doing. I have control now and I decide where I go, what I do and who I become. It’s terrifying. It’s exhilarating. It’s my own. This gorgeous mess of a life is my own and I’ve messed it up but I’ll clean it up. It might not look the way it did before, but it will feel the same. I need the mess. I need the chaos. It’s terrifying it’s exhilarating. It’s my very own. I handed in my resignation last night before I left…and that’s all there is. Ain’t it grand?